The summer before 6th grade I went to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus with my family including my Grammy Brown. I was really excited for the show and remember that I had a great time for the first half. About half way through the show I went to the bathroom with my Grandmother. At the time she was almost 81 years old. When we walked into the bathroom the floor was flooded. I remember looking at the water and getting really upset. My grandmother had a sore on her toe at the time that was not healing, she had to cut the toe area out of her sandle and wear it bandaged up. She was a little concerned about stepping carefully so she did not get her toe wet, but not worried or upset. I on the other hand felt sick. When I went back from the bathroom I hated the circus. I remember thinking that it was because one of the clowns came over and shook both my sisters hands, but didnt shake mine. The feeling of doom I felt was overwhelming and I really just wanted to leave.
During the first year of training with the Green Mountain Druid Order we were doing a journey with water. Jouney work is a form of guided meditation. Druids do most of their journeying from a base camp or Grove. It is a sacred space which you create. My grove is very well developed and was actually started before my training. In my sacred grove places that are important to me are often combined such as peices of landscapes I love. Below is the journey I experienced with water.
In the field of my spiritual grove Adam (one of my guides) is waiting for me. I go to the water as directed, the stream that flows by my spirit house. Up stream there is a pool from the Ammanousac, I play and swim in it. Then I travel down stream into a shadowed cove from the river at Zealand . As I enter the water there I am clothed and find the experience of floating interesting as I am wearing a flowing black dress. We are starting (being guided) to do the energy body meditation. I am trying to stay on task when I see my grandmother on the shore. She is old, but healthy in her blue flowered dress. I hug her and tell her I am suppose to stay on track, but she tells me she has something to show me. I come over and there is a deep pool by her. I enter it and begin to swirl around moving with the water…as water. I start to think it will take me nowhere when suddenly I am in the bathroom of the Civic Center in Portland, Maine with her. We are at the circus, in the bathroom and the floor is flooded. I realize that I knew she was going to die. My dread, my fear, my hatred of the Circus at that moment was because I saw her dying.
Scrying is the art of seeing or viewing while gazing at a relective, translucent or luminescent object. This form of divination (Psychic viewing) often involves visions of the future, past and present. My first experience with scrying happened that summer when I was 11 years old, standing in the bathroom of the civic center in Portland, Maine. Because the things I viewed were so disturbing to me, my mind tricked me. I did not want to see my grandmother was going to be leaving me soon. I wanted her to live forever or at least long enough to be my childrens Grammy. As I gazed at the water on the floor I knew that her toe would never heal, and that she was dying. The dread I felt I superimposed onto such a petty thing as a clown not shaking my hand. The feeling of wanting to run away, to leave the circus was due to the fact that I did not want to see, know or feel the things that I was feeling. Journey work was a pivotal part of the Druid training, every individual gets something differant out of it. But for me it was a key ingredient to understanding many of the events that happened in my life.