Honoring the Dead & Healing the Soul

sali21It has been my honor to work in service with the Beloved Dead for over a decade.  I have been a Medium my whole life, but started working professionally in this field after a major opening in which my Spirits insisted that I share my ability with those in need.  I do consider it a need, after all the pain experienced from loosing a loved one can be overwhelming.  In the years I have been doing Seances (sitting in reverence & communication with Spirits) I have experienced death in many guises.  For some death was a dear friend who met them at the end of a long life, for others death came to visit too soon and unexpectedly.   One of the things I have been experiencing more and more in my work is the realization that there is often unfinished business and open wounds left untended when someone dies.  After all we don’t always have all our shit worked out when our time comes….we may have things left unsaid, battles not won and true pain left unhealed.  This topic, that of the unhealed soul is due.  With the death of Robin Williams, a most beloved star we are all sitting around and thinking about the people in our lives who have suffered with mental unbalance whether in the form of depression, addiction or abuse.  When one we love dies while still suffering (either at their own hands or the hands of fate) we are often left with a deep feeling of guilt and a desire to do something.

It is not uncommon for my work as a Medium to involve counseling or mediation between the living and the Beloved Dead.  In death our emotions get dulled down a bit, they are not as acute and overwhelming as they can be in life.  We are also removed from the everyday stresses of life such as finances & health.  We are able to sit back and look at the things we have experienced with a less critical lense.   We also are blessed with the ability to see all that we are.  I personally believe in re-incarnation and see that Spirits connect with all of their lives when they pass into Spirit.  This helps because we are not just saddled with our latest life that may be filled with pain and failure.  We are complete and full and more able to find balance.  This does not mean we are suddenly free of the burdens we carried in our latest life.  We still see ourselves through our living loved ones  and witness how our actions have effected others and the love that people held for us.  For some souls this is hugely important as they truly do not see their value or the love others have for them.  This is particularly true for those who suffer from depression and addiction.

So how can we help?

Like I said…our Beloved Dead spend quite a bit of time watching over the ones they loved.  When we give honor to them we are helping their souls to heal.  When we talk to them, they hear us.   If you feel weird about this then do it in your car where no one else can hear you.  Talk to them.  Tell them the good and the bad.  They need to hear how they hurt you and the unspoken pain that you carried.  They need to hear how much you worried about them, how much you hoped and still hope that their souls find peace.  They need to know that their lives mattered to you.  We can not fully express this if we are afraid to be real, if we sugar coat things and ignore our emotions.  When we have watched a loved one destroy themselves with drug addiction, we suffer….we worry, we pray and we beg for them to find help.  So speak to them often, talk to them of the good memories you have of them, the times when their light shined through so bright that their illness was dimmed for a time.

familyalter2Another thing you can do is to set up a family alter.  An alter is a sacred space, a place where we place our prayers and intentions.  It does not have to be fancy, a simple shelf in your living room will work or the top of a dresser.  The one thing that is important is that it is not a place to drop your shit.  The only items that belong on an alter are items placed there intentionally.  Pictures of your loved ones, personal items such as jewelry and knick knacks, mementos of who they were are the items you want to place on a family alter.  I have a small alter in my kitchen behind the sink, on it I have a picture of my Dad, my great grandmother & my dear friend Adam (who is my doorman in the spirit world).  I have other items there that are important to me and some that remind me of them….like the sexy pirate lighter my dad always preferred.  These items help me to stay focused on the ones I love that have passed, they keep them fresh in my mind and in my prayers.  I am fortunate in that none of these people died with unfinished business.   If you have family members or loved ones who died with heavy hearts and deep wounding you can add a candle to your alter that you will light daily.  It does not have to be any special color or shape, it is the flame that is the focus.  Every morning when you wake take a few moments and light the candle…spend a minute or 5 looking at your alter, and sending love and healing to your wounded Spirits.  Tell them how much you love them and that you are sending out energy that they may heal.  You may spend that time however you like as long as you are conscious, aware and sending out loving energy.  I personally like to sing so I might sing for them or tone to them.  I treat my Beloved Dead as though they are real and still exist…BECAUSE THEY DO!  The most wonderful thing you can do is be real with them,  let them see you cry, let them hear your funny stories about them, the things you hold onto as memories and most of all the things you wish had been different between you.  After all they are healing, they are still growing and developing their souls.  Be genuine and do it often.

 

spreading love-salicrow

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Living life on Fire…

It is not the quantity of time spent that guarantees someone touch or change our life, but the quality.  Sometimes a person we know briefly can have a lasting effect on who we are and how we live our lives.

ancientfireWhen I was a teenager I became friends with someone who I will always hold dear to my heart.  His life was short, but he lived it with passion….savoring every moment as it could be he last.  I think this was in part because he had faced illness as a child and knew that illness could come back to claim him at any moment, as it did.  Living with death as ones companion changes the way we think.  It makes us relish every moment we are given, and worry less about what we look like or if we will be successful.

When my friend passed I was 21 years old, and still caught up in the fear of failure.  The fear of failure or making a fool of oneself is the prime reason most people don’t step out of their comfort zone.  We walk around fantasizing about the things we would like to do and the life we would like to live, but we struggle with that leap of faith.  We struggle because we are afraid to fail, to be less then perfect and for fear that others will see & know we are flawed.  I admired my friends zest for life so much that when he died I asked him to stand by my side and kick me square in the ass if I held back because of fear.  I wanted to live my life on fire, to follow my heart and experience all there was for me this lifetime…the successes and failures.  That was 23 years ago, and I am pleased to say that I have lived my life willing to take chances.   In fact I often tell people that when I am 80 years old and looking back on my life I would rather have a good story to tell, then to say I wish I had tried that.

How do we step out of our comfort zone?

The act of Not Doing-

We can start by the act of ‘Not Doing’, which is exactly what it sounds like.  The act of not doing is getting out of autopilot and thinking about what we want instead of just doing what we always do.  Lets face it, we are creatures of habit….we drive to work the same route every day, go to the grocery store on the same day, put our yoga mats down in the same spot in the studio and watch the same television shows.  That’s auto-pilot!  It’s basically being asleep at the wheel and letting our non thinking, same old-same old self rule the show.  What happens when we are in auto pilot…the same old song and dance my friends, the same old song and dance.  ‘Not Doing’, is really a simple act to accomplish, but the results are sometimes anything but ordinary.  Try taking a different route home from work, call up a friend and go out for dinner on a Tuesday evening instead of watching your Shows, place your yoga mat in the opposite corner of the room and think….Think, watch, observe.   Often the conversations & experiences we have while Not Doing are profound…we are awake, aware and ready to live truly.  Not Doing is just a start, it is not the be all end all of changing your life to one on fire.  But you certainly will not get there while running on auto pilot.

Dare to Dream-

brigetfireMy second bit of advice would be dreaming…it’s not a waste of time, in fact it is in this space of Awen (the spirit of creativity) that greatness dwells.  If we do not fantasize about what we want, then we will have a hard time reaching for it.  We do need to be clear with our selves that dreaming is not the last step, it is the birth place of our reality.  Quantum Physics has proven that thought matters, the more energy we feed our dreams, the more like they are to manifest on us.  In dreaming our life we need to make sure we do not focus entirely on the outcome, getting there such a big part of the whole.  The journey is the story….take the Hobbit for example.  Bilbo Baggins story was ‘there and back again’.  He wrote about the adventure.  Anyone who has ever taken a road trip, also knows that the hardships, uncomfortable bits and unexpected treats are what makes the story worth telling.  If every venture we took had a guaranteed glory at the end, life would be a bit boring.  The journey is life.

Compromise-

The word Compromise means to come to an agreement, to settle matters.  It is created by the  prefix Com which  means-with, together, in association & the word Promise which mean-a declaration of something that will or will not be done.

When living our life on fire we must make compromises, we must readjust and come to agreements along the way.  I love the fact that compromise can be broken down to show that inside of the word there is a promise.  The promise we make to ourselves when living our life on fire is that we will give our all to being alive.  We will not simply be a bystander watching as the world moves on around us, nor will we throw ourselves into the pit of doom if our plans go a muck….we will compromise.  We will make adjustments and keep on going, or we will throw back our head and laugh and weep, then keep going.  But either way we will not see ourselves as a failure.  We may have failed at a thing, but we did not fail at life.  In fact the willingness to take chances is what shows we are succeeding at life.  By taking chances I want to clarify I am not telling you to take stupid chances like drinking and driving or Russian roulette.  I am talking about taking chance on your dreams.

Give it your all-

For dreams to become reality we must give it our all.  Giving something your all means all that you have at that moment….in different points in our life we may have more to give then others.  When raising my children I did not have as much energy to devote to my career, as my focus was centered on being a mother.  I did however give all the energy I had available.  We need to give our dreams our all regardless of the outcome.  That way even if you do not succeed, you know that you have shown true merit and dedication to yourself.

Rewards are often hidden in failure-

One of the best things we can acknowledge is that failure often has a hidden gem within it.  We learn from our mistakes and often find our true selves sitting, waiting for us in the darkest of times.  I was out dancing with my girlfriends last year when one of them said “Wow Sali, you have done a lot of things for someone your age!”  That’s true, my resume would be chocked full of stuff…many lives I have lived this lifetime for sure.  I have been a clothing designer/seamstress, owned a store, owned a bar, worked in pediatric dentistry and the list goes on.  Her statement was true, that being said I made sure to point out that I had not succeeded at all of them.  Inside each of my failures I have learned something about myself.  I have learned what I really want may be different from what I thought I wanted and that like all things I am changeable….my wants and needs change as I grow.  I have found deep friendships inside of my failures, people have crossed my path who I may not have ever met if I wouldn’t have taken that leap into my life.  I have found strength and determination that I never would have known I had if not for trying & I have great stories!

Laugh at yourself-

This is probably the best piece of advice I can give.  When we can laugh at our mistakes and the roads that went off the beaten track, we can stand tall and proud.  Success in life is based on how well you live it, not what you accomplish.  God/Goddess is a comedian and will give us opportunity after opportunity to make fools of ourselves.  When we can laugh at our own folly we are having a good time.  When we take ourselves too seriously, every mistake becomes a torture and abuse to withstand.  I personally would rather have a good belly laugh at my follies then weep and moan over my fuck ups.

I am proud to say that I live my life on fire…I relish at the opportunities the universe presents for me to test my merit and laugh at myself both.  I find it opportune in writing this, for I did not decide on this subject today.  Rather I  picked it from my journal jar ( a jar I keep in my office with subjects I want to write about).  The synchronicity of the matter is that this weekend I will be walking on fire.  This is my second time to walk on the hot coals and I look forward to it.  I look forward to embracing my fear, to stepping forward in the face of that fear and the strength of character I will feel when I have done so.  I always go into these opportunities as  ‘Moments with Spirit’.  For they are moments when I am truly alive.  I set goals for myself, goals I want to put into motion when crossing the gateway.  I am sure I will have more to say on this after this weekend.  For the time I leave you with this thought….”What are you waiting for?  What is holding you back from living your life on Fire?”

 

spreading love-salicrow