I have written about Suicide before & I am sure I will write about it again. This morning as I sat drinking my coffee, an article came across my Facebook news-feed that brought me to tears. It was about a Vermont father who speaks to junior high children about his son’s suicide & the damage of bullying. Children can be mean, in fact they can be cruel. This will not come as a surprise as we have all been children and most of us have been exposed to the dynamics of children in school & know the level of cruelty they can display. I am not hear to simply talk about the problem of bullying, but to share my personal experience of child suicide; witnessed as a Medium
As a Medium, I have stood witness to the pain of childhood/adolescent suicide & I have communicated with many of these tender souls who came to the decision to take their own lives. In my opinion, there is no death as painful as that of loosing a child. No matter how many years pass, that loss still has the potency of an ice-pick through the heart. When the child has passed due to emotional torment and overwhelming grief it often amplifies the pain that the entire family feels; for they feel that it was they not only lost their child/but failed at protecting them.
First I would like to say that Suicide does not damn the Soul to Hell. I personally hate this piece of religious dogma, more then almost anything. For the reality of it is the person who reaches the decision of suicide has already been experiencing Hell. As a Medium, my experience has shown that there is often a Time-Out period for souls who have died due to their own means, as they need to sit and reflect on their life & view how deeply they were loved by their family and friends. But it is not a time of punishment, more so it is a time of reflection. It is important to note that after crossing, the emotions of life are turned down a few notches, making their life experiences easier to review. This and getting to see the perspective of all people involved; the ones who loved you dearly & the ones who created the damage…help the Soul to heal.
Second I would like to remind people of the saying “It takes a village to raise a child“. We as parents are not the only influence on the lives of our children; no matter how loving and supportive we are. I once did a Seance for a family whose child had recently taken their own life. I was shocked when I began communicating, as the child had only been gone for a few months. Normally, there is a longer period of Time-out needed for deep healing when suicide is involved. The fact that the soul was able to communicate so quickly, showed me their strength & the rapid healing they had done. The child I communicated with was a compassionate, beautiful soul, who took the time to write love letters to all the members of their family before ending their life. They felt loved at home, but could not take the feeling of being ostracized by their peers any longer. The constant ridicule had led them to believe that they were inherently flawed, that they would never fit in. I have witnessed this too many times and truly believe that we all need to be part of the tribe! When our tribe shuns us we wither. I know this is a touchy subject; one that brings up deep emotions in many people. But we need to talk about it Folks & we need to talk about the damage created by bullying. These children who choose to end their lives because they cannot take anymore ridicule are not ‘weak’, they are not fragile or less then. They are almost always, highly sensitive souls who take the insults and attacks of their peers seriously. They often begin to believe that their really is something wrong with them. But they are not the only ones who are suffering from lack of Tribe; the Bully also feels that disconnect. Bullying is the act of a wounded, insecure person; no one becomes a bully because they are confident and empowered.
We need to see ourselves as Tribe, and take our role as a community a bit more seriously. We need to connect to the people of our village; know our neighbors and take action where are children our concerned. Not just the children born to us, but the children of our community. Sometimes the simple act of acknowledging is all that is needed. Saying hello to people, asking about their day. Observing the way kids act toward each other & speaking up when it’s inappropriate.
We also need to take a serious look at the sensitivity of our wounded ones, many of these kids are highly Empathic. They experience the world not only from their emotions, but the emotions of others. I see this not only in the ones being attacked, but the attackers… I know it sounds strange to say the attacker is Empathic. But let’s just consider for a moment what it means to be Empathic. It means you pick up the emotions of others. Let’s face it, the Bully is generally not liked. They are tolerated, but not liked. Other children go along with their actions, but only because they don’t want to be the subject of the Bully’s attentions. If we look at the Bully as a wounded person, and we consider that they may “know” they are not liked. Well then their actions become self preserving; attacking before being attacked. Please note-I am not condoning the actions of the Bully, simply shining a light on it from a different perspective. This thought is what makes it important to approach the situation on an emotional level & and with a Tribal mindset. Shaming the Bully will not work, as they already see themselves as different. Instead if we approach it as a Tribe perhaps we can shed some light on how attacking a member of our Tribe is just not acceptable. Speak to them of emotions, empathy and perhaps ask what is going on in their life.
Somewhere along the way we have lost our connection to Community. We surround ourselves with big houses and personal fortresses. We make home and family a small, isolate island…then we send our children out into the unprotected world of have & have not/cool & not cool, completely unprepared. Some people will say that this is a natural lesson to be learned by us all. But as a Healer I can tell you that as a general rule..the people wounded by the peers as children, have a harder time getting over their insecurities then those wounded by the actions of their parent. We look to our peers to show us what is normal and what is not. When we are what is not normal, that wounding adheres to the soul.
I hope you walk away from this read with a few things. One the understanding that suicide is not a quick trip to hell and secondly-we need to create community again. My kids were fortunate enough to grow up in a strong community. They knew that if they were acting like a turd, someone in the community was going to say something to them about it. Not in a condescending way, but with a deep level of caring and dedication to raising strong community members. They also knew that they could turn to a larger group of adults if they ever needed help. My kids are adults now, and they still turn to the members of their Tribe & recognize that their Community not only supports them, but expects them to in turn be good human beings. Thanks for reading folks.