Awhile back, I met with a family who’s matriarch was a fun, sassy, and organized gal, who also happened to be dead. She did not let this stop her from being in charge, and took it upon herself to introduce most of the other Spirits who had come to the gathering. Her living family was not at all surprised by this behavior, as she had been known as ‘Little Mother’ since she was a child.
The living family members who had brought me to the house, were laughing and enjoying themselves as stories were shared by their relatives in Spirit. At one point, one of the guest became concerned that their laughter may be seen as disrespectful to their Beloved Dead and asked if this was so. My answer was a resounding “No, not at all”.
When Spirits come to communicate with their living; through the aid of a Medium, they know that their time is limited, and they want to make the most of it. Although it is natural to cry at such events, the Dead do not want us to remember them through tears alone. Laughter is the heart-balm of life, and it is a great way of showing honor to those we love, who have crossed into Spirit. When we open ourselves to the experience of Spirit Communication, we often find that it is in essence a visit with those we hold dear, and like all reunions it is filled with powerful emotions of all kinds.
Many years ago, my sister Sandy did a Psychic Reading for me; long before I started doing Mediumship professionally. I was young and looking for direction with the various businesses I had at the time (clothing company, store, & bar). My sister looked puzzled at first, then told me that I she didn’t see me doing any of it in 10 years, and that what she did see was unusual. She said she saw me sitting around a kitchen table talking to the Dead, like some kind of tea party or something.
I was already working as a Psychic doing Readings for people out of my store, but at that point I was not interested in talking to the Dead for other people. I saw it as something that I experienced for myself, something far too emotional for me to want to do it, for the public. I saw Dead people, and chose to speak to them on occasion, but it was not yet part of my everyday life, and I was certainly not yet ready to share it with the world.
This memory came back to me, as I sat around the kitchen table, with the family of the Spirit who was nicknamed “Little Mother”, I thought of my sisters Reading. I saw the living and the dead gathered around the table with me, and I realized that her prediction had come true, and that this was how it should be. A gathering of people who love one another, laughing and crying, drinking tea and shooting the shit. So what if some of the people were dead. They were all there, fully present, enjoying each others company. I felt a deep sense of purpose and gratitude for my life, knowing that this was what healing looked like.
When we loose someone we love dearly to death, the scarring is often overwhelming. We can find ourselves trapped in the most painful of memories, and often unable to remember the laughter, joy, and silliness that made up the persons life. We forget what is like to sit with them around the family table, how bossy they could be, or the weird behaviors that make them who they are.
Our Beloved Dead (family, friends, ancestors, and guides) want us to remember them for who they were, they want to be connected to us through laughter, and story telling, through songs they sang, slang they used, and recipes they made. They miss being with us in the flesh, they miss family BBQ’s and goofy antics, they miss their favorite foods, and the smell of campfires, they miss the way they were when they were alive. Those are the things they want us to remember them by. They do not want to be remembered by their death alone. They do not want to their story to be solely of cancer, car accident, old age, dementia, or heart attack. Death is the ending of the story, it is not the story itself.
When we seek to connect with our Beloved Dead, when we find ourselves missing them, it is important to remember who they were in life. To remember their story, who they were when they were truly living. In this remembrance we give them honor. We give life to their story, and we all begin to heal.
*tell stories of their life *cook or eat their favorite foods, while thinking of them *set up a family altar at important family gatherings, add pictures, and mementos that make you think of them *sing their favorite songs *visit their favorite places & spend time thinking of them *talk to them out-loud (Spirits can see & hear us much better than we can them)
Think of how you would like to be remembered, when you die. Do you want your family and friends to remember you with tears alone? Or do you want to be remembered for your life, for the things that truly make you-you?
When the only emotions we choose to embrace death with is sorrow, we loose so much of that which made the person we mourn special. We need to open our hearts and truly remember them.
Me…I expect to be remembered by funky socks, coffee, and my adventurous spirit. I would feel sad to think that my passing brought only tears.
I hope you enjoyed the read folks. Now think of how you can honor and remember those you love who have passed. How can you heal your heart, and connect more deeply with your Beloved Dead?