My experience with addiction is one that goes back to my birth, as I grew up in an alcoholic household. In the early days of my life, I hardly noticed the relationship between my father’s pain and his drinking, but when my Grammy Brown died the monster known as addiction took control. It began stealing more and more of my father’s soul, sending him spiraling out of control until he eventually lost all that he loved most. My father’s case was one of redemption, for in his loss he was able to find himself, and began the hard work of healing that was needed in order to sever the control Alcohol had over his life & eventually restore his family to him.
While my father’s story has a beautiful ending; filled with family reunions, healing, and soul growth, not all who dance with the devil are so lucky. For fighting the fight of addiction is battled one day at a time. My father had to fight that battle every time someone offered him a drink, without knowing that they were unconsciously speaking the words of his demon…tempting him with the elixir he had turned to over and over again when faced with his inner pain.
In my work as a Medium, I meet with families weekly who have lost someone they love to addiction. These Spirits come forward hesitantly, and by their approach alone I know that they were partially responsible for their own passing. I call it ‘partially responsible’, because they did not choose to die, yet it was not an accident. They placed the needle in their arm, swallowed the pills or destroyed their liver/lives by their own hands. Yet they were not alone in their minds, the substance they abused was there with them; like an evil twin, whispering in their ear “Fuck it, fuck it all!”
The families who come to me who have lost their sons, daughters, friends, mothers, fathers, partners, to addiction are often coming with fear and anger. They fear for the souls of the ones they have lost, and they are mad as hell over the mayhem left in the wake of such passing. They often do not know what to do with the wild, jumbled emotions they feel. They miss their loved one, yet they remember the darkness that had swallowed them. They often feel a sense of relief along with their anguish for the phone call saying their loved one had lost their battle had already come. Now instead of fear, they sit in grief.
We are dealing with a battle of epic proportions. One that affects us all, every single one of us has someone we love who is battling addiction. Some of us do not even see it for what it is, until it rears up like a monster, unexpectedly setting the world around them into chaos. The media gives us a picture of what ‘Addiction’ looks like…a super skinny, strung out person, usually with sunken eyes and a lot of tattoos. This is not an accurate vision, and by accepting this image we allow the monster to hide in plain sight. I have met with families who were completely blindsided when their loved one died of an overdose, or when they discovered that the overweight businessman was addicted to prescription pain medication, or that their super smart, popular child was living off amphetamines, or that their charismatic uncle was a bastard at home; due to the mood swings associated with his drinking.
I am not here to solve the problem of addiction, believe me, I would if I could. Instead, I am here to provide a way of healing and growth for the families and friends left in its wake.
When I meet with families for Spirit Communication and addiction is a factor, I try to explain to the living family that they need to see their loved one as a dual personality. In this way, they are free to mourn the beautiful, loving person they lost to the drug & be pissed as hell, at the addiction itself. For truly that is the battle that goes on in the mind of an addict. That beautiful, sensitive boy or deeply loving daughter still exists in there, but they are not alone. They are battling the demon of addiction every day of their lives, and often the demon is too much for them to overcome.
Addiction feeds off of our self-loathing, and the deep wounds that lie within our being. It is not something that starts with the ‘heavy hitters’, like heroin, cocaine, amphetamines. In fact, it often starts before we have ever put a toxic substance to our mouth. It starts with our pain, and our need to hide it. When we realize this about ourselves and those we love, it is easier to see how someone could fall down this rabbit hole.
I recently had a mother come to me who had lost her adult son to an overdose. Although she had known he was out of control, partying too hard and distancing himself from those who loved him & would see his pain, she was shocked to find out that he even did Heroin. When in fact he had been doing it for 2 years. When his Spirit came into the room during our Seance, (he was not the first guest) his mother who had appeared calm and reserved, did a 180, her anger turning her into a banshee. She was so mad at him for what he had done, for how he had treated his life and for the mess he had left behind. She was looking for someone else to blame, wanting him to tell her it was all someone else fault, she needed to believe that the boy she had loved so dearly had not done this to himself…yet he had.
In the time we sat together I tried to emphasize the fact that the boy/man she loved as her son was healing. That his spirit was now having to review the actions that led up to his premature death. I explained that when we die, our emotions are turned down, like the volume dial on a stereo, allowing us to review our life more analytically. I also explained that he had to see how his decisions had affected not only his life but that of the ones he loved…that in death we continue to heal, and that when our family is unable to heal the dead our delayed in their own healing.
Turning sorrow into pain is a natural turn of events for many. It often feels more empowering to be pissed and continue to hunt for the perpetrator of our pain then to sit with the heaviness of grief and mourning. Yet, anger denies our healing. It keeps us in a deep state of expectation, waiting for our revenge, to solve the problem, to get even. In death, there is no getting even. Our anger and venom will not bring back those we love. Your son, daughter, husband, mother, friend does not need you to get even…they need you to heal and if you need a cause, to step up and try and make a difference in the world of addiction. They need us to turn our wounds into tools of healing instead of weapons we use to beat ourselves with. After all, this is how many ends up struggling with addiction, to begin with, they beat themselves over and over again for any and every flaw they see in their being. The pain they struggle with becomes the vehicle that drives the addiction.
If you have lost someone to addiction, or love someone who is currently battling with addiction, remember they are not alone in their mind. Remember that the support needed is that of understanding (with strong boundaries), and that in all cases of addiction there is something deeper under the surface that the addiction is feeding off of. Like the demon it is, Addiction feeds off on the loathing, pain, and trauma carried by the addict and those that love them.
How can you help yourself and your Beloved Dead who has passed due to their own hands? Start healing yourself. Become educated about addiction, and remember the beautiful soul who lost their battle to it.
You will need- pictures & memorabilia of your loved one when they were happy & healthy, spiritual items of your choice, a white candle & a black candle, recommended stones-rose quartz & black tourmaline
*Set up your altar on a shelf, dresser, window sill, someplace you will come in contact with often. This should be appealing to your eye.
*The white candle represents love, light, and the healing you are calling in, the black candle represents the darkness you are releasing from your heart; the sorrow, anger, and rage you carry. LIGHT both candles daily for 5 minutes, and spend time in front of your altar praying for and speaking to the one you have lost. Speak your sorrow, and pain as well as your good wishes. Remember you are not only healing yourself but helping them to heal and that requires truth.
*The Rose Quartz on the altar carries the vibration of love and healing and the Black Tourmaline is a great absorber of negativity, transmuting it.
This is a simple ritual you can perform daily, it will not only help you and your Beloved Dead to heal, but it will also help you to form a stronger relationship with spirit. Remember we are all able to feel/sense our Beloved Dead, but often our emotions block us from doing so. If you are in need of a direct connection, seek out the aid of a Medium, it is often one of the most healing things you can do for yourself and your loved one in Spirit.
Connecting you to your Beloved Dead… Salicrow.com