STORIES OF SPIRIT…The Two Headed Monster [addiction, death & the after life]

My experience with addiction is one that goes back to my birth, as I grew up in an alcoholic household.  In the early days of my life, I hardly noticed the relationship between my father’s pain and his drinking, but when my Grammy Brown died the monster known as addiction took control.  It began stealing more and more of my father’s soul, sending him spiraling out of control until he eventually lost all that he loved most.   My father’s case was one of redemption, for in his loss he was able to find himself, and began the hard work of healing that was needed in order to sever the control Alcohol had over his life & eventually restore his family to him.

While my father’s story has a beautiful ending; filled with family reunions, healing, and soul growth, not all who dance with the devil are so lucky.  For fighting the fight of addiction is battled one day at a time.  My father had to fight that battle every time someone offered him a drink, without knowing that they were unconsciously speaking the words of his demon…tempting him with the elixir he had turned to over and over again when faced with his inner pain.

In my work as a Medium, I meet with families weekly who have lost someone they love to addiction.  These Spirits come forward hesitantly, and by their approach alone I know that they were partially responsible for their own passing.  I call it ‘partially responsible’, because they did not choose to die, yet it was not an accident.  They placed the needle in their arm, swallowed the pills or destroyed their liver/lives by their own hands.  Yet they were not alone in their minds, the substance they abused was there with them; like an evil twin, whispering in their ear “Fuck it, fuck it all!”

The families who come to me who have lost their sons, daughters, friends, mothers, fathers, partners, to addiction are often coming with fear and anger.  They fear for the souls of the ones they have lost, and they are mad as hell over the mayhem left in the wake of such passing.  They often do not know what to do with the wild, jumbled emotions they feel.  They miss their loved one, yet they remember the darkness that had swallowed them.  They often feel a sense of relief along with their anguish for the phone call saying their loved one had lost their battle had already come.  Now instead of fear, they sit in grief.

We are dealing with a battle of epic proportions.  One that affects us all, every single one of us has someone we love who is battling addiction.  Some of us do not even see it for what it is, until it rears up like a monster, unexpectedly setting the world around them into chaos.  The media gives us a picture of what ‘Addiction’ looks like…a super skinny, strung out person, usually with sunken eyes and a lot of tattoos.  This is not an accurate vision, and by accepting this image we allow the monster to hide in plain sight.  I have met with families who were completely blindsided when their loved one died of an overdose, or when they discovered that the overweight businessman was addicted to prescription pain medication, or that their super smart, popular child was living off amphetamines, or that their charismatic uncle was a bastard at home; due to the mood swings associated with his drinking.

I am not here to solve the problem of addiction, believe me, I would if I could.  Instead, I am here to provide a way of healing and growth for the families and friends left in its wake.

When I meet with families for Spirit Communication and addiction is a factor, I try to explain to the living family that they need to see their loved one as a dual personality.  In this way, they are free to mourn the beautiful, loving person they lost to the drug & be pissed as hell, at the addiction itself.  For truly that is the battle that goes on in the mind of an addict.  That beautiful, sensitive boy or deeply loving daughter still exists in there, but they are not alone.  They are battling the demon of addiction every day of their lives, and often the demon is too much for them to overcome.

Addiction feeds off of our self-loathing, and the deep wounds that lie within our being.  It is not something that starts with the ‘heavy hitters’, like heroin, cocaine, amphetamines.  In fact, it often starts before we have ever put a toxic substance to our mouth.  It starts with our pain, and our need to hide it.  When we realize this about ourselves and those we love, it is easier to see how someone could fall down this rabbit hole.

I recently had a mother come to me who had lost her adult son to an overdose.  Although she had known he was out of control, partying too hard and distancing himself from those who loved him & would see his pain, she was shocked to find out that he even did Heroin.  When in fact he had been doing it for 2 years.  When his Spirit came into the room during our Seance, (he was not the first guest) his mother who had appeared calm and reserved, did a 180, her anger turning her into a banshee.  She was so mad at him for what he had done, for how he had treated his life and for the mess he had left behind.  She was looking for someone else to blame, wanting him to tell her it was all someone else fault, she needed to believe that the boy she had loved so dearly had not done this to himself…yet he had.

In the time we sat together I tried to emphasize the fact that the boy/man she loved as her son was healing.  That his spirit was now having to review the actions that led up to his premature death.  I explained that when we die, our emotions are turned down, like the volume dial on a stereo, allowing us to review our life more analytically.  I also explained that he had to see how his decisions had affected not only his life but that of the ones he loved…that in death we continue to heal, and that when our family is unable to heal the dead our delayed in their own healing.

Turning sorrow into pain is a natural turn of events for many.  It often feels more empowering to be pissed and continue to hunt for the perpetrator of our pain then to sit with the heaviness of grief and mourning.  Yet, anger denies our healing.  It keeps us in a deep state of expectation, waiting for our revenge, to solve the problem, to get even.  In death, there is no getting even.  Our anger and venom will not bring back those we love.  Your son, daughter, husband, mother, friend does not need you to get even…they need you to heal and if you need a cause, to step up and try and make a difference in the world of addiction.  They need us to turn our wounds into tools of healing instead of weapons we use to beat ourselves with.  After all, this is how many ends up struggling with addiction, to begin with, they beat themselves over and over again for any and every flaw they see in their being.  The pain they struggle with becomes the vehicle that drives the addiction.

If you have lost someone to addiction, or love someone who is currently battling with addiction, remember they are not alone in their mind.  Remember that the support needed is that of understanding (with strong boundaries), and that in all cases of addiction there is something deeper under the surface that the addiction is feeding off of.  Like the demon it is, Addiction feeds off on the loathing, pain, and trauma carried by the addict and those that love them.

How can you help yourself and your Beloved Dead who has passed due to their own hands?  Start healing yourself.  Become educated about addiction, and remember the beautiful soul who lost their battle to it.


You will need- pictures & memorabilia of your loved one when they were happy & healthy, spiritual items of your choice, a white candle & a black candle, recommended stones-rose quartz & black tourmaline

*Set up your altar on a shelf, dresser, window sill, someplace you will come in contact with often. This should be appealing to your eye.

*The white candle represents love, light, and the healing you are calling in, the black candle represents the darkness you are releasing from your heart; the sorrow, anger, and rage you carry.  LIGHT both candles daily for 5 minutes, and spend time in front of your altar praying for and speaking to the one you have lost.  Speak your sorrow, and pain as well as your good wishes.  Remember you are not only healing yourself but helping them to heal and that requires truth.

*The Rose Quartz on the altar carries the vibration of love and healing and the Black Tourmaline is a great absorber of negativity, transmuting it.

This is a simple ritual you can perform daily, it will not only help you and your Beloved Dead to heal, but it will also help you to form a stronger relationship with spirit.  Remember we are all able to feel/sense our Beloved Dead, but often our emotions block us from doing so.  If you are in need of a direct connection, seek out the aid of a Medium, it is often one of the most healing things you can do for yourself and your loved one in Spirit.

spreading love-salicrow

Connecting you to your Beloved Dead…


Stories of Spirit…Loving our Shadow [accepting our unsightly bits]

love_hate_660A friend pointed out recently, that I talk a lot about Love…and, I cannot deny it, it is truly the protagonist of pretty much everything I write.  Plain and simple, Love is the most healing, empowering, thing in the Universe.  In my work, as a Psychic Medium, I am gifted with the ability to experience love that is not mine.  When working with the Beloved Dead (friends, family, and loved ones in Spirit), I can feel the love the Spirit holds for their living family.  I get to know what it feels like to love someone; I have just barely met, simply because I am communicating with their partner, parents, children, or friends.  I truly do feel their love & it is amazing.

Thinking about how much we can love others, makes me think how rare it is for us to love ourselves with such passion and devotion.  In fact, if I were to ask you right now, if you loved yourself….what would your answer be?  Would it be filled with a long list of your flaws, of the things about yourself that need improving before you were acceptable for loving? Would you find it difficult to even address the subject?

We are all flawed….every, single one of us.  There is no perfect, there is no complete, there is no light with out shadow.

Our Shadow, refers to the part of us we would rather not talk about, look at, or pretty much acknowledge in any public setting.  However, it is a pretty talkative companion, when we are alone, especially when we are feeling low.  When we have experienced loss, it is our Shadow that speaks to us; telling us that we are not good enough to be loved, that we are flawed, and we are somehow bound for eternal suffering.  It reminds us of all of these ‘flaws’, these unwanted bits of our personality, that must be hidden and protected, so the rest of the world will not know what losers we really are.

We must make friends with our Shadow, in order to have peace within our being.  We must accept that we will never be perfect, and that these flaws; when addressed in the light, can be amazing teachers.

Our Shadow, is not something that has been forced upon us, nor is it our burden to carry.  It is part of what makes us who we are, as unpleasant as it can seem.  Another bit to consider is, we are most likely not hiding it as well as we think we are.  In fact, we are pretty aware of the Shadowy bits, that belong to our loved ones, so there is a good chance those who love us, see our unsavory parts, as well.  And yet, they still love us…

I have done a lot of work with the Shadow, both personally and as a Psychic & Healer.  In working with my own Shadow, I had to acknowledge that I am both arrogant & manipulative.  There you have it folks, my Shadow boldly stated for all to see.  When I was young, it would bother me if anyone even insinuated that I was conceited, arrogant, vein, or manipulative.  Now, I know these things to be true, I have come to peace with them…and I do not let them rule the show!  It’s a lot easier to keep ones naughty bits in line, if you look them in the eye.  Now when I am feeling hurt, discouraged, or outside the world, and the Voice of my Shadow speaks to me…I know it for what it is, and I see that I am in a vulnerable place; a place where I need to be gentle with myself.  I do not let the Shadow tell me what to do, or how to act, but I realize when it comes around that I am treading on a thin place in my life.  A place of vulnerability, and if I am careful there is great personal power to be gained.

Personal power, is the internal strength of will that we all possess to some degree.  By facing our fears (shadow included), our strength of will grows.

I should point out; that our Shadow is not only a teacher, who reminds us when we are vulnerable and out of touch, but it also holds other gifts.  For example, my arrogance is a powerful ally when I have to face intimidating things.  It is the voice that strengthens me, often speaking in my Dad’s voice “Your better kid, because your a Brown”.  Now, I do not actually believe I am better then everyone, but my arrogant Shadow certainly does.  So sometimes, it’s nice to have it along on the cheering committee.  If I had not come to terms with it, I would always be fighting it, pushing it aside and the only time it would get to surface; would be when I was at my most vulnerable…most likely to take it’s word as law.  Now, it’s just part of the team…thankfully balanced out by the Light in me, that truly cares about my family, community, and world.

The balance of our light and dark, makes us who we are.  Take some time and really look at your Shadow, those pieces you know are there, the ugly bits.  Look at them from all angles, are there ways they can be used for good.  How can you make peace with them.  Remember, everyone you love, everyone you care about, everyone in the world is similarly flawed, just in a different flavor, and yet, we still can find love for them.

We need to Love Ourselves!  When we deny love from ourselves, we hold back our light from the World…for we are always on guard, not wanting to make ourselves vulnerable, for others might see our ugly bits.  News Flash!…they aren’t that well hidden.  So be kind to yourself, spread love all about your life, even into those dark, shadowy corners.  If you are serious about approaching your Shadow, for deep work.  My suggestion is to work with someone; a Healer, Psychic, Counselor, or Friend, for it is helpful to have guidance.  I will be offering a series on Self Love and the Shadow this Spring, so keep an eye out for event details.  I hope you enjoyed the read Folks.

spreading love-salicrow