Sacred Travel…COSM, the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors-part 2.

It’s funny how we are always in some kind of flux…growing, flowing, being molded by our surroundings.  It seems that no matter how far up our personal, evolutionary tree we climb there are still wounds to heal, lessons to learn, and potentials to explore.  That is what makes living so divine!  ************************************************************ I returned home from Florida, knowing that in a few short weeks I would be connecting with members of my Spirit Tribe; a group of Wyrd (connected to fate) Travelers I met (this life) while on a sacred pilgrimage to the United Kingdom.  Our meeting was something no doubt planned in the betwixt & between, for kinships formed throughout lifetimes are a kind of magic of their own. 

Knowing I would soon be spending time in deep transformational space, I recognized that my self-work was not done, in fact, I had just placed my foot upon the trail of transformation.  After all, I was seeking to change the tempo in which I lived my life, not an easy task.

Being dedicated to myself, I started speaking of the change I was seeking, using words that supported my goal.  Positive affirmations are a good way to support and direct growth and healing in our life.   After all most of our problems come out of the bad programming that runs on repeat inside of our heads; spewing out negative bullshit that wastes the potential of our minds.  Just imagine what life could look like if we spoke as many encouraging words to ourselves…

I walked away from obvious negative internal banter along time ago, but that does not mean my brain is always kind to me.  While I don’t bad-talk myself in the way that many people do, I run a to-do list that has the potential of being never-ending.  So I still have need of positive affirmations, mantras, and intentional thoughts.  This was how I spent the weeks between my travels, reinforcing the new setting I had chosen to live my life in; the one with purposeful movement and lots of Catnaps.

The trouble was I still could not see the direction I wanted to go in, the prey I wanted to stalk or the perhaps a better way of putting it was I had not yet received the scent of that which I sought.  I was pretty sure I would find it while on Sacred journey and I was anticipating the insight it would lend to me.

The drive to COSM was absolutely beautiful.  The first part of the journey was straight down the state of Vermont via I91; a quiet highway with little traffic and few sightings of civilization.  Then we headed west & south along the Taconic State Parkway to the Hudson River Valley of NY.

COSM-the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors is a sanctuary, a church of sorts dedicated to the visionary arts and creativity.  It is also a sacred womb of awakening, an intentional space filled with the mind ‘altaring’ art of Alex Grey and his wife Allison.  The permanent art collection at the sanctuary is known for integrating both scientific and spiritual truths.  In short, it is a place of transformation!

Visionary art; such as Alex & Allison Grey’s, is meant to trigger the subconscious, allowing us to step out of our analytical mind and into the deeper vastness of our souls knowing.  Spending time submerged in such art often works on the receiver long after they have walked away from the physical display.

My fellow Wyrd Travelers and I went to COSM with this in mind, we were looking for the full experience as well as a place we could step into our shared spiritual work without disturbance.  We received both, as the universe provided us with the opportunity to be the only guest staying @ Grey House (the Inn at COSM) for the duration of our visit.

In visiting the Chapel of Sacred Mirrors my personal goal was to receive with an open mind, allowing messages of direction to come to me, instead of my normal steady push for deep waters.  After all, I was working with Big Cat/Panther; I was not searching under every rock for my knowledge, instead, I was waiting around stealthily for it to appear.  Most of my time there was taken up with group work, primarily focused on helping others wake-up peacefully, in this time of Psychic Evolution. My individual work was more subtle…it involved meditating in the temple room in the early hours of the morning, and absorbing the energy of the place while I slept…where it infiltrated my dreams and seeped into my knowing.  I don’t recall a single ‘Ah-ha’ moment of self-awareness, yet I left understanding my future path more clearly and have continued to unfold subconscious wisdom in my dreams; both waking and sleeping.

Perhaps it was in walking the grounds, rich with Earth energy; intentionally harnessed through the works of Geomancy-the art of placing or arranging buildings or other sites auspiciously, walking the labyrinth or observing the many paintings & statues with their multitude of eyes, that triggered such introspection.  But I truly feel that I walked away with a deeper knowing of my path and a clearer understanding of how to get there.

I have used Sacred Travel as a vehicle for transformation for many years now.  There is something about stepping away from our mundane world, that allows us to look at our life differently.  I know I am fortunate enough to do so regularly, and for that I am thankful.  But this has not always been the case, I have not always had the luxury of time and money to make such things happen.

So…how do we submerse ourselves in Sacred Pilgrimage when we do not have the luxury of leaving our home, family & obligations?

I will be talking about just that in part 3 of this Sacred Travel log, which will be out on Friday, April 5th.  Thanks for following along on my adventures…

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ps-A big fat, grey squirrel was very comfortable on the property.  I found it to be a cosmic joke, as I had been saying I needed to put the squirrel in a cage; in reference to my need to step away from squirrel as my active power animal.  By the end of the weekend at COSM I realized that my reference of ‘caging the squirrel’ was really a pretty shitty way to give thanks to an animal spirit that has helped me achieve a lot over the last few years, and that instead I needed to give thanks to it and wish it a safe journey.  So thank you, my friend, for all your fast-paced, zing.



Stories of Spirit…Opening to Spirit [expanding consciousness]

I was teaching a class on the energetic working of Runes, last Sunday, when I found myself saying “and then I open myself to Spirit”.  It is a statement I have made hundreds, if not thousands of times.  This time, I realized as I looked at the students sitting in front of me, that what I said was akin to explaining what sex feels like, to someone who has never had it.  To any who have had it, it is easily recognizable.  But to those who have never experienced it, it is a glittering Christmas present; topped with paper and ribbons, sitting beneath the tree.  It is magical, mysterious, and unknown.

Opening oneself to Spirit, simply put means getting out of the way, so that the will of the divine universe can move through you.  It is about connecting to the strands of fate, that weave the pattern of ones life.  It speaks of being receptive to that which is unseen, and unknown.  It demands trust, faith, and surrender.

We are living in an age where spiritualism has become a commodity, something that anyone should be able to achieve if they buy the right crystals, eat the right food, and mediate regularly.  So this should be simple right? 

In reality expanding consciousness, and becoming more spiritual is a personal path.  No two people will get there in exactly the same way.  No amount of crystals, oils or potions can do it for you.  These things are tools, meant to be of assistance; to enhance the experience, but they cannot and will not bring the experience to you alone.  Teachers, techniques, and traditions are also valuable, but only if one is willing and able to release the desire to control every minute faction of their life.  There must be a willingness to be fluid, and a belief that we are part of something greater.  A closed vessel cannot be filled.

Faith is a tricksome thing.  In truth, I do not believe it is something that can be taught.  To have faith one has to choose to believe.  Religion can be indoctrinated, but the feeling of connection to the divine, the world around you, and a true sense of ones part in it,  is not something that can be done without first deciding you believe it is possible. We  must first surrender our walls, releasing the barriers that keep us locked into a reality consisting solely of what is solid, tangible, and documented.  Faith is something we can choose, just as we are able to choose what our favorite color is, and whether we like the taste of onions.  It is not something that is assigned, we are not allotted as those who are and are not spiritual.  We are all spiritual beings, but not all of us accept this as reality.

Releasing oneself to Spirit requires us to have faith, to believe that we are worthy and capable of feeling connected to the divine universe.

I am not sure at what point in human history, we began questioning our right to be part of the whole.  I have never felt unconnected, it is something I have always known to be true.  I admit, I fancy myself an old soul, and know I have done much of this before.  But I am not talking about individuals questioning their worthiness to be whole, but whole cultures.

We are taught from an early age, that we are unworthy.  Says the television, magazines, advertisements, movies, and billboards.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  Marianne Williamson

Well that’s something to think on… Perhaps here is where the truth lies, we are afraid of our power, of how fantastic we truly are.  We are afraid to reach for our dreams and find ourselves gloriously, deliciously alive.  We are afraid that in truth we are co-creators of our world.  If that is so, if we are co-creators of our world, then by connecting to a higher power we are in fact surrendering to ourselves. We are giving over to the fate, that which was ours to begin with, this is what it means to be Wyrd (connected to Fate).

By opening to Spirit, we allow the strand of divine will that resides inside of us, to connect to the universal pattern, and it feels fantastic!  It has been described as Zen, for the body, mind and soul feel truly connected.  In such moments the chatter of the mind falls away.  The racing of the bodily functions seize to draw our attention, and we are at peace.  It feels in many ways like the state of consciousness we experience right before falling asleep, or after an orgasm.  In this state of mind & body wholeness, we are able to receive guidance, healing and often an expansion of consciousness.  Our mind is open to receiving information, allowing us to gain greater insight to ourselves, and the world we are part of.  This is where magic takes place.


This is part 1 of a blog series I am writing, I will be continuing this journey of the mind over the next few weeks.  I encourage you to share your opinions, questions and ponderings.

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Stories of Spirit…A Dragon’s Dance with Death [honoring Ivan McBeth]

sacredgraveI believe in the Sacredness of Death, I believe in the tremendous power it has to transform lives, I believe it is beautiful and raw; exposing us to the deepest parts of ourselves, the parts that are tender and juicy, filled with emotion and life.  My most sacred work, the work I am honored to participate in, is that of helping others Cross the Veil into Death.  I love to stand present in Death, to witness it’s power and to help others feel it’s beauty.  As a Medium, I know that we are far more then these bodies we live in.  We are eternal, grand and, and expansive.  This weekend, I was given the honor of working with my Druid Teacher & Friend, Ivan McBeth, as he made his grand exit from physical form to that of Spirit!

ivanwavingMy phone rang early Friday morning, 8:30 to be exact.  It was one of my Druid Sisters, calling to let me know that she had received a phone call from a member of her town; telling her that Ivan was dead.  The early call had already triggered me intuitively, that something was wrong, and the information in her call did not surprise me; for I had spent the last few weeks with Ivan, traveling around England and Wales, and taking photos and video of the Stone Circle he erected at Blissful Dragon Farm (Waterford, VT).  As my Druid Sister lived close to Ivan & his wife Fearn, she said she would run up to their home and find out the truth of the matter, and would call me shortly to let me know.  After ending the call with her, I promptly called me sister Sandy; telling her to take a shower and pack her bag, that Ivan had just passed.  I then hopped in the shower myself, and found Ivan with my mind…or perhaps he found me, for he was incredibly happy to be out of this body and exclaimed “Yippee!” loud and clear.  He contacted me 3 other times while I was getting ready to leave.  Twice showing me the picture of a grave covered in ivy (see below), a picture I had taken in Sancreed, Cornwall, UK.  He did not show me these images in my mind, but instead he pulled the picture up on my phone.  The picture was not selected in my photos, or even near the last of the photos taken, and I had not been using my phone; it simply popped up like someone had just sent me a text.  The last bit of contact Ivan gave me before I walked out my door, was through social media.  Our mutual friend Orion, commented on a picture I had taken of the two of them together (see above); in the picture Ivan was waving, when this picture and comment popped up on my Facebook screen, I could see clearly that he was waving good-bye.  With all this contact, I could feel Ivan spurring me on, wanting me to go to his home, his  land, and his love; his wife Fearn.

ivygraveBy the time we were within 15 miles of Dreamland; Ivan’s home, both Sandy and I could feel him.  By saying we could feel him, I mean that there was a precise point in which it felt like we had crossed into his energetic field.  His energetic field or aura, was so expanded; that it was filling a 15 mile radius.  I have found most Auras to be spherical, radiating out from a center point; which in this case would be Ivan’s body, so I am pretty sure he could have been felt for 15 miles in any direction of his home.  When we arrived at Dreamland, his wife was giving her love and tears to him and being consoled by the women of the community.  You see in true Ivan style, he went out with a flourish and a true lesson to teach; for they were hosting a magical weekend at Dreamland, one in which 30 guest were attending.  Most of the guest had arrived the night before, and were present as he passed.  There was a warm fire burning in the Stone Circle below the house, with people huddled together around it; beginning their process with the Spirit of Death.

northstoneI truly believe that Death is in itself a presence; a spirit and force, that effects all that it touches.  When Death comes into our lives, it’s touch and transforms us, something that it does every time it visits.  Each brush with Death holds it’s own mysteries and lessons, and I am so deeply fond of it.  I know that sounds strange, but when you live in a world that is filled with Spirits, Death is no longer an enemy to fear; but instead a great teacher.  Don’t get me wrong, I deeply mourn the absence of my friends and family when they leave physical form.  But sometimes, this transformation allows them to regain their power; power that may have been sapped by age and illness.  When I see those I love leave a life of pain, and slow loss of self; I rejoice for them, for I know that they will be happier and generally more helpful in the world of Spirit.  I experienced  this when my Father died, and when my dear friend Briga crossed the veil last year.  They had both reached a point in their physical existence in which Death was a comfort.


Ivan @ Glastonbury Tor Photo Karen Maxon

Ivan was not a man who feared Death; he had faced it (literally) many times in his life, and it was a deep part of his Spiritual practice and teachings.  When I trained with him as a Druid, we spent an entire weekend exploring Death.  We thought about it, wrote about it, did journey work in which we explored our unavoidable end, as it approached…one year, one month, one day!  Later after the visionary work was done, we slept in graves we had dug with our own hands (ok, I got help…most people who know me, know I don’t do manual labor,  LOL).  Our graves were lightly lined with blankets and we were allowed light covering to endure the night outside.  We were placed in our graves by Ivan; who carried us as we lay limp.  This symbolic Death, and the night lying within the land, gave a deeper perspective of the gift that life is.  It was one of the most important teachings Ivan carried; that a close relationship with ones Death, helps us to appreciate the life we have, and allows us to dance through it fully alive.


Like all things ‘Ivan’, his death was not a small affair, in fact it was large and in charge.  He spent the last month of his life seeing the places he loved most dearly, building a final Stone Circle, and at last using his Death as a powerful teacher.  I was fortunate, and got to take part in many of these last adventures; and  was among the 21 pilgrims who traveled to England & Wales on a magical adventure to sacred spaces, just weeks before he passed; a trip Ivan created.



Ivan with the Bleeding Yew in Navern, Wales

Making merry

Making merry

friends old and dear

friends old and dear

Druid friends @ Stanton Drew

Druid friends @ Stanton Drew

Upon returning to the States, Ivan didn’t miss a beat…he was off to build what would become his final Stone Circle, ‘The Dragon’s Teeth’ circle @ Blissful Dragon Farm.  I went down often in the building of the circle, taking photos and video footage; as Blissful Dragon Farm belongs to my sister Sandy and her friend Melissa.  I was shocked at how full of life and energy Ivan seemed when working on the circle.  I knew his health was failing, but seeing him do what he loved most, brought out the sparkle in his eye.  He was passionate, and driven, and spoke often about how he felt it would be his last circle.  In the world of Stone Circles, Ivan was a master…creating 28 circles in his life time, circles with precise alignments to stars, places, dates and times.  He was truly gifted in this, and I believe it above all things was his greatest offering to the world; as the temples he built will far outlive his  memory.  I like to think though, that for the person who seeks they will feel a bit of his essence, when sitting in the temples of his creation.

Ivan at the blessing of Dragon's Teeth stone circle

Ivan at the blessing of Dragon’s Teeth stone circle

North Stone & Altar, at Dragon's Teeth Farm

North Stone & Altar, at Dragon’s Teeth Farm

After leaving Blissful Dragon farm, Ivan headed home to a weekend of Druid training, and preparation for ‘Weaving Wild Wisdom’; a magical weekend, that turned into Ivan’s last teaching.  30 people gathered to experience a weekend of deep magic, what they didn’t know was how deep it truly would be.  I had not planned on attending the weekend, but kept being pulled to it.  Now I know why, for I was there in attendance, even if not in the way one might have imagined.

salisandysacredMy sister Sandy and I often consider ourselves servants of Death; for we are spontaneously called several times e a year, to stand witness and give aid to the act of dying.  In Ivan’s case, the death bit he did just fine and we were there instead to help prepare and honor his body.  I find this to be the holiest of holy work.  I cannot imagine anything so important as Death.  Cleaning and anointing the body of one who has passed, brings me through the veil of time; to all the times I have preformed this act, life time after life time.  I am simultaneously standing in the present and in the many doorways of time that I have done such things.  With Ivan there was the added gift of a community gathered to hold space, the participants of the weekend were truly standing in their wisdom and able to see the gift he offered up to them.  Some stood guard by his body; giving honor in the old ways of mourning, some kept the fires going and the incense burning, some made soup and offered comfort to those who cried, some shed tears to mourn the passing of a great man, and some ran about taking care of the necessities; such as building a coffin, obtaining an undertaker and other such practical bits.

My life was changed by this man, who I am honored to call a friend and mentor.  He taught me that fear was a gift which held deep power, when looked at head on.  He guided me as I walked on fire, carried me to my metaphorical grave, and introduced me to Stone Circles.  He was ever a magical child, and I have no doubt that he is dancing ecstatically with the Spirits that be.  I also know, having spoken to him more then once since his passing that he should be ready to work in 2 weeks (his words, not mine).  Hail and Farewell my friend!


2012 @ Dreamland...

2012 @ Dreamland…

All Hail, Ivan McBeth!

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Stories of Spirit…Baby, it’s Cold Outside [appreciation for life’s goodness]

woodstoveI woke up early this morning to temps., way down in the double-digit, negatives.  That being said, my house was cozy & warm; thanks to good insulation & the beauty of a wood stove.   Getting dressed (in my many layers of warmth), and heading into town (in my reliable jeep w/it’s killer heater); I found myself thankful.  Thankful for these simple, but amazing luxuries; that I take for granted, most days.

As a Medium; I connect regularly, with peoples loved ones and ancestors.  I get to hear their stories, and catch glimpses of their lives. Often, the elders who have passed into Spirit, tell of the hardships and struggles they faced in life.  These stories are part of who they were, often creating the backbone and tenacity, that we loved so much about them.   These stories, remind me that not too-long  ago; winters in the North were a hell of a lot harder, and still are for some.

These stories of struggle, are my stories as well…for they are the stories of my Ancestors.  I come from simple Folk, with strong backbones & big hearts.  On my way into town, I found myself thinking of two of these Ancestors; Grammy Bickford (my husbands grandmother) & my Grammy Brown (my great-grandmother/who raised my father & his brothers).

Grammybickford2Grammy Bickford, grew up in a logging camp, in Berlin, NH.  I remember her stories of winter in the camp; of how their cabin had no insulation, and how snow blew through the clap boards on blustery nights.  How she would wake in the morning, with her blankets covered in snow…get up, make herself a lard sandwich, and put on an extra layer of socks before heading to school; as she did not own a pair of boots.

grammywithsaliGrammy Brown, ran away from an abusive husband, with two of her young children.  They squatted in an old abandoned house; spending most of the winter laying under piles of blankets.  They did this, because they only had fallen branches & old furniture for firewood, and hardly any food.  They were fortunate, when a neighbor lady saw smoke coming from the building & set about to rescue them.

We live in a world of plenty, yet their are still those among us who don’t live that much differently then my grandmothers.  In our own communities, there are those among us who struggle to keep their homes warm, their bellies full, and their families healthy.  I am so thankful, for all the bounty life has bestowed upon me, and I am thankful to be able to share that bounty with others.

On this cold, February morning…the day after we celebrate LOVE; I ask you to take a moment and think of all the good fortune, life has bestowed upon you.  I ask further, that you think how you can share your bounty, with those that are not so fortunate.  I think of my Grammy Brown’s savior; Mrs. Flowers, the neighbor lady.  She not only took my grandmother (great-grandmother technically) & her two son’s (one who was my grandfather), out of the cold.  But she went on to provide my grandmother with a job, and later a small piece of land.  Mrs. Flowers saved more then my grandparents…she created small abundance for my great-grandmother, my grandfather, and later my father, and eventually me.  That kindness, was like a stone thrown into a pond; creating ripples of love and wonderfulness.

No act of Kindness is truly wasted, and we have no idea how great the transformation from kindness can be.  So, whether you are sitting in your warm cozy home, sipping coffee, or bundled up in layers heading out to work.  Take a few moments to think on your abundance, and the simple ways you may transform the world.  Remember, we are co-creating our lives.  What do you want that life to look like.  For me, life is more beautiful when I share my bounty with the world around me.  So today, I’m going to go buy some cheap chocolate and drop it off at H.O.P.E. (Helping Other People Everyday).  Because we could all use a little sweetness in our lives.

spreading love-salicrow

Stories of Spirit…Loving our Shadow [accepting our unsightly bits]

love_hate_660A friend pointed out recently, that I talk a lot about Love…and, I cannot deny it, it is truly the protagonist of pretty much everything I write.  Plain and simple, Love is the most healing, empowering, thing in the Universe.  In my work, as a Psychic Medium, I am gifted with the ability to experience love that is not mine.  When working with the Beloved Dead (friends, family, and loved ones in Spirit), I can feel the love the Spirit holds for their living family.  I get to know what it feels like to love someone; I have just barely met, simply because I am communicating with their partner, parents, children, or friends.  I truly do feel their love & it is amazing.

Thinking about how much we can love others, makes me think how rare it is for us to love ourselves with such passion and devotion.  In fact, if I were to ask you right now, if you loved yourself….what would your answer be?  Would it be filled with a long list of your flaws, of the things about yourself that need improving before you were acceptable for loving? Would you find it difficult to even address the subject?

We are all flawed….every, single one of us.  There is no perfect, there is no complete, there is no light with out shadow.

Our Shadow, refers to the part of us we would rather not talk about, look at, or pretty much acknowledge in any public setting.  However, it is a pretty talkative companion, when we are alone, especially when we are feeling low.  When we have experienced loss, it is our Shadow that speaks to us; telling us that we are not good enough to be loved, that we are flawed, and we are somehow bound for eternal suffering.  It reminds us of all of these ‘flaws’, these unwanted bits of our personality, that must be hidden and protected, so the rest of the world will not know what losers we really are.

We must make friends with our Shadow, in order to have peace within our being.  We must accept that we will never be perfect, and that these flaws; when addressed in the light, can be amazing teachers.

Our Shadow, is not something that has been forced upon us, nor is it our burden to carry.  It is part of what makes us who we are, as unpleasant as it can seem.  Another bit to consider is, we are most likely not hiding it as well as we think we are.  In fact, we are pretty aware of the Shadowy bits, that belong to our loved ones, so there is a good chance those who love us, see our unsavory parts, as well.  And yet, they still love us…

I have done a lot of work with the Shadow, both personally and as a Psychic & Healer.  In working with my own Shadow, I had to acknowledge that I am both arrogant & manipulative.  There you have it folks, my Shadow boldly stated for all to see.  When I was young, it would bother me if anyone even insinuated that I was conceited, arrogant, vein, or manipulative.  Now, I know these things to be true, I have come to peace with them…and I do not let them rule the show!  It’s a lot easier to keep ones naughty bits in line, if you look them in the eye.  Now when I am feeling hurt, discouraged, or outside the world, and the Voice of my Shadow speaks to me…I know it for what it is, and I see that I am in a vulnerable place; a place where I need to be gentle with myself.  I do not let the Shadow tell me what to do, or how to act, but I realize when it comes around that I am treading on a thin place in my life.  A place of vulnerability, and if I am careful there is great personal power to be gained.

Personal power, is the internal strength of will that we all possess to some degree.  By facing our fears (shadow included), our strength of will grows.

I should point out; that our Shadow is not only a teacher, who reminds us when we are vulnerable and out of touch, but it also holds other gifts.  For example, my arrogance is a powerful ally when I have to face intimidating things.  It is the voice that strengthens me, often speaking in my Dad’s voice “Your better kid, because your a Brown”.  Now, I do not actually believe I am better then everyone, but my arrogant Shadow certainly does.  So sometimes, it’s nice to have it along on the cheering committee.  If I had not come to terms with it, I would always be fighting it, pushing it aside and the only time it would get to surface; would be when I was at my most vulnerable…most likely to take it’s word as law.  Now, it’s just part of the team…thankfully balanced out by the Light in me, that truly cares about my family, community, and world.

The balance of our light and dark, makes us who we are.  Take some time and really look at your Shadow, those pieces you know are there, the ugly bits.  Look at them from all angles, are there ways they can be used for good.  How can you make peace with them.  Remember, everyone you love, everyone you care about, everyone in the world is similarly flawed, just in a different flavor, and yet, we still can find love for them.

We need to Love Ourselves!  When we deny love from ourselves, we hold back our light from the World…for we are always on guard, not wanting to make ourselves vulnerable, for others might see our ugly bits.  News Flash!…they aren’t that well hidden.  So be kind to yourself, spread love all about your life, even into those dark, shadowy corners.  If you are serious about approaching your Shadow, for deep work.  My suggestion is to work with someone; a Healer, Psychic, Counselor, or Friend, for it is helpful to have guidance.  I will be offering a series on Self Love and the Shadow this Spring, so keep an eye out for event details.  I hope you enjoyed the read Folks.

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STORIES OF SPIRIT…Finding Self [seeking one’s identity after death]

returninglightThe death of a loved one is a profound experience; one that can leave us feeling like a ship without a rudder, particularly if we shared a close relationship with the deceased.  This is normal; as it is human nature for our identity to include our interactions with others…basically, the people we surround ourselves with, help shape who we are.   When someone close to us dies, we often find ourselves not knowing what to do & pondering on our place in the world.  Death transforms us; it is an ending of a way of being.  When we loose a partner, child, parent or close friend it truly is like part of us died with them; for we can no longer be, say, or do those things that defined us, when they were alive.

Another factor, to consider in this transformation; is how others treat us.  Often people do not know how to act around us, when we have lost someone dear.  They don’t want to say, or do the wrong thing, so they often avoid the situation completely…by distancing themselves from us.  This generally does not happen immediately after a death.  In fact,  death itself is generally accompanied by a  great support system.  Everyone steps forward with their condolences and heartfelt offers of support.  But soon after, the void sets in.  People go back to their normal day-to-day lives, only we can’t… for our normal no longer exists.  So now we are not just feeling the loss of our loved one, but feeling isolated from our world.

I have talked about this subject before in my blog post STORIES OF SPIRIT…A Time of Mourning.  Our culture is uncomfortable with mourning, we have lost the rituals that acknowledge the deep loss felt when a close loved one passes.  These rituals, were not just for the grieving family; they were also for the greater Tribe…they were a set of guidelines that helped outline the edges of loss.  Without these guidelines, we must individually navigate the waters of loss; hoping that others will be intuitive enough to see when we need space, and when we need support.

So how do we find ourselves after the death of a loved one?

cryinggraveFirst and foremost, we must give ourselves permission to not be OK.  In our modern world; without its time of mourning, we often feel obligated to put on a good face for others; so they do not feel uncomfortable in our presence.  For death, reminds people of their own mortality, and the mortality of those they love, and quite frankly…that is unpleasant.  But the reality of it is, we will all die.  We need to stop being so weird around it, for it is the one constant we can all count on.  So grieve…let yourself fully, completely mourn the loss of your loved one.  Do not put on a happy face to appease others; tip-toeing around Death, will not make it go away.  Plus, when we hide our mourning from ourselves and others, busying ourselves and swallowing our sorrow…the whole process takes much longer.

Secondly, learn to ask for support.  We must learn to let those close to us give us aid, and we need to remember that they are not mind readers…they do not know how to assist us, unless we tell them.  Even if you do not know what it is you need specifically,  communicate…”I need someone to hold space for me”, “I need a night out, to laugh and feel normal”, “I need you to check in on me, if I become distant”…”I don’t know who I am right now”.  And, don’t be afraid to seek professional counsel.  Seeing a counselor does not make you crazy or weak, it simply means, you need guidance…that your internal compass, is not functioning properly & you need assistance.  You may also want to seek the aid of a professional Medium, for connection with the loved one you have lost.  That connection often holds tremendous healing potential; as speaking with your Beloved Dead not only offers closure, but often affirms that they have not truly left your side.

Finally, I would suggest that you learn to play.  By play, I do not mean laugh & jump around (although that is good therapy).  I mean, experiment without commitment…when we are children, we try things out…we pretend & dabble at things.  We do not demand that there is a point of success or commitment involved in our actions, it is simply trying something on to see if we like it.  Like I said, Death transforms us.  We may find that the things we loved doing before the loss of our loved one, no longer make us happy.  But we may also find that new things, things we did not do when they were in our life, do.  We are all complex beings, we have entered this world for the journey that living has to offer us.  Loss makes way for growth that we may never have been able to fathom in our previous existence.  Remember, the Caterpillar can not fly…but through transformation; as a Butterfly  it soars the sky.  Perhaps that is why Butterflies are so often symbolic that a loved one in Spirit is around.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the read Folks.  Remember, death is transformation…for those who have transcended to Spirit & those left behind.

spreading love-salicrow


Stories of Spirit…Fear-the Soul Killer

Druid pigramage to the UK 126Fear destroys us from the inside out, often directing us to act in ways contrary to our nature.  Most people consider themselves to be kind, generous and forgiving.  But, fear has a way of blocking our compassion; making us selective in whom we dispense it to.  Fear is the voice that speaks, telling us how different we are from ‘them’.  Fear rationalizes and schemes; giving us excuses and confirmation as needed…justifying our cause.

Bravery is going forward in the face of Fear…it is doing the right thing, even when we are afraid.

Living in the United States, I feel blessed that I can voice my opinion freely on the things I believe in & I respect the rights of others to do the same.  In the wake of the latest tragedy (France), the internet has been a fire with peoples opinions.  I first sat back, thinking I did not want to get involved in the debates.  But as time went by, I felt the need to speak.  Not on whether this person is right for wanting to take in Syrian Refugees, or that person is right for wanting tighter border control.  I realized that what I really wanted to talk about was FEAR.

As a Druid; part of the training I went through was geared around facing my fears.  For the personal things that challenged my being, creating a fight or flight response were my teachers.  It is believed in Druidry; like in many Spiritual practices, that one must face their fears to gain personal power.  For the fortress we fear entering, indeed holds the best treasure; knowing ourselves.  I would be lying if I told you that I no longer experience fear.  I experience fear in regards to the security of my life and those I hold dear; just like the rest of you.  But in facing my fears, I no longer let my fear hold power over my decisions.  When fear shows it’s ugly face…I examine it and decide whether it merits my attention or not.

The world we live in is changing before our very eyes.  From a pragmatic point of view, resources are drying up…the planet will inevitably be unable to sustain itself at it’s current usage.  In plain speak, it means water, food & oil are running short.  That being said, I still believe we have time to make changes & create a better home.  I am an optimist & feel that there are many good, strong, BRAVE, people out there working toward a better world.  I believe what is most needed, the thing that can truly have a shot at changing the whole lot…is compassion.  WE NEED to start looking at the world through the green-healing glasses of compassion.  We need to start treating others with the compassion we would want shown to us in a time of need.  It is true that there are some evil-mother-fuckers out there in the world.  People who are seeking to cause as much destruction & chaos as they can.  But those villains exist in all fractions of the world, they are not selective to one particular race or religion.  These bad apples/super-villains of our reality, are not the masses.  The masses, the common people…  They generally do not have a side, they like you and I…are more concerned with feeding their children & providing shelter for their wives & mothers, husband & fathers.

I really hope you take some time to think on this.  And to ask yourself, “what am I most afraid of?”  Me-I am afraid that at the time when the quality of my person is in question, I would let fear stop me from making the right decision.  I like security, don’t get me wrong.  But if the price of my security means that I have to set back and watch others suffer…I choose to take the hand of fate & release security.  I mean to pass no judgement in this bit.  I simply ask you to think on the choices you make & the values you stand on.  Whatever our religious and spiritual beliefs we are accountable for our actions.  Walk bravely…

spreading love-salicrow